I gave an awesome talk on happiness in the village hall of Kippen, Stirlingshire, last week. If I do say so myself. And this is not the sort of thing my anxious-prone self would express. But it really was awesome…

Inside I felt connected and in flow the whole talk through. I left feeling invigorated and didn’t resort, as I often do after talks, to ruminating over what was said and not said.

The outside indicators were all in agreement too – a crowd of about 60 people showed up and most smiled at me, sometimes laughing at my impromptu quips.  The questions kept on coming at the end, with loads of after talk chat, and then all the books I had with me were sold and several more ordered. It wasn’t just me who thought it was awesome.

But why was the talk so awesome – was it down to me, or was it the crowd? As ever, it is a little bit of both, plus a little something else. I can’t take all the credit. That time, that place, all those people, in all our magic…everything aligned.

Choice, circumstance, and chance

In my talks on happiness, centred around my journey to Bhutan on a bicycle, amidst the stories of adventure, the joy felt, and the heartache overcome, the key message I try to get across is that the key to more happiness isn’t simply about making better personal choices.

Fortunately, as otherwise we’d have to blame ourselves for any of our unhappiness, it’s more complex than that.

“There are the things to be chosen – the where, the how, and the when; the circumstances – what we have, what we look like, and where our passport permits us to roam; and then there is pure chance. Happiness in all its guises comes in acknowledging the dance between these three.” Taken direct from A Journey for Happiness: The Man Who Cycled to Bhutan

Choice is part of it, but not nearly as much as some might have us believe. You see, in the conversation around happiness, what gets missed out, is just how much the circumstances within which we make those choices matters. It is a simple point, but if the circumstances in which we make these choices doesn’t encourage choices for happiness, then those choices become harder.

Not designed for happiness maximisation

In fact, many circumstances we find ourselves within, which we have little choice over, may have been designed to actively discourage choices for deeper fulfilment if it means making less money. They will have been designed that way using subtle psychological tricks. We spend more and, in the process, may sacrifice aspects of our lives that are far more important for our happiness. We may not even know it’s happening. More possessions, in place of health, relationships, and values.

Of course, we could choose to avoid these places altogether. That’s certainly helped me, and it is a big part as to why I left the academic world and my career researching happiness to cycle to Bhutan. Yet, it shouldn’t be so difficult. And let’s not forget, that’s a privileged enough career to allow a choice to step outside of society. Most can’t cut loose that easily.

Do you think citizens of Costa Rica, New Zealand, or Denmark are happier because they are more disciplined in making better choices? It became clear to me as I roamed around the world on my bicycle that the circumstances in which citizens in such countries make choices is a little better than other places throughout the world. And we could learn a lot from these places. Especially that Costa Rica. Everything changed for me once I reached that country on a bicycle. Happiness is a complex interplay between choice, circumstance, and chance – I got deep into it on my journey.

Back to that awesome talk

I’ve given about 15 talks about my cycling journey to Bhutan. The one last week in Kippen was by far the best. Some of the talks have felt life disasters. Yet I persevered, because talking about my journey feels important. Each time I’ve learnt something about what works and honed the talk to make it a little better for the crowd. But then the second best was probably the first one I did not long after I arrived back from my journey fresh with the magic. Like the crowd in Kippen they were friendly and enthused.

“Before I began to talk and point at the screen as the others had done before me, I smiled. It was a half-hearted smile. I knew that no matter what I did, the faces before me would remain stern.” Also taken from A Journey for Happiness: The Man Who Cycled to Bhutan.

I’ve given loads of talks over the years, and some I’ve felt deeply insecure afterwards. I’ve sometimes said never again, thinking that maybe I’m just not cut out for getting up in front of a crowd and sharing.

But some crowds aren’t friendly. Some rooms – windowless and fluorescently lit – give me a sick feeling. Sometimes I’ve looked out at a room of people, where no one is smiling and all the eyes are glaring. Under such a circumstance how can one give an awesome talk. Maybe luckier folk can.

More talks coming

And so, I’m writing this on my way to another talk. In Galway, Ireland. Tomorrow it’s a boat to Belfast and then I’m cycling all the way there – the journey there will give me a good shot at arriving happy and relaxed – I’m told it’ll be several hundred students – gulp. I hope it goes well. Yet if it doesn’t then the crowd will have to answer for it…in part…

Then there is another one in a local café the first week of November and then an online talk December. Come and support with your friendly face. Or test out my theory and come and glare. Follow me on Twitter to keep updated.