In a couple of days, I will begin…in a few days I will leave the familiar and enter the unfamiliar. To a place where there are few habits and bags of possibilities. On a walking journey about home. Experiences like never before, beckon me. Am I ready?
Well, I am itching to go…I am thinking about being on the other side, desiring to have arrived at my destination already, and then to have returned back to the familiar. To get through it. And that is no readiness. To rush would be to miss out. To rush would be an escape from the discomfort of not knowing.
I feel anxious – about my abilities and about my intentions. I feel scared too. I have run through scenarios worrying about what might or might not happen. What difficulties are ahead for me? I will face many – inevitably.
Breathing deep into those natural feelings
The moments before a big change are rarely easy. They are not supposed to be, nor do they need to be. I keep reminding myself that everything I am feeling is natural. And I have been here before, many times – journeys big and small, whether it be a big cycle journey around the world or meeting a person for the first time. Yet in the past, rather than accept all the uncomfortable feelings as a natural part of the process, I have sought to push them away – through going too quick, through planning a little too rigidly, or doing anything to distract from things I don’t like.
The speed, the planning, the distractions – the more I try to escape from discomfort the more heightened the struggle seems to get. It is often in the slowing down where the discomfort finds its release. Being kind to myself and leaning into the reassurances of others too.
So, that is the only preparation left now – to know I’m ready and keep breathing into this moment and all that is happening within it. And really, this moment is the only place worth trying to get to – not Croydon or some other fantastical destination but the ever living now. Embracing it, accepting it, whatever it is, every single step of the way. Am I ready for that?
I am trying to be…
“Anxiety is a part of existence, and no individual who continues to grow and create will ever be free of it”.
journeyforhappiness.co.uk 
Are you ready ? Perhaps not . Are you as ready as you will ever be ? May be . Could you leave even though you are not ready? And don’t we want to leave the safe and familiar precisely because we have an appetite for the risky unknown ? Ambivalence seems at play here as it so often is ….. but I get a sense that your thirst for adventure is winning the day . Safe travels 🙏 Elmar
Thanks Elmar. Yes the thirst fir adventure is winning.
Hi Christopher,
Ohhhh, the best of wishes for your walk! So exciting! And also just a blanket/overall (for these posts and your book too) thank you for your honesty (and the bravery in sharing) about the realities of being a human! I enjoy the way you write and word things.
Leah (from very far away on Yorke Peninsula in Australia)
Thank you Leah, this means so much to me. I’ll keep sharing. Christopher