May all voices be heard; may all gifts be given…

Sometimes I walk into a room and wonder whether I’ve been seen…I don’t mean just glanced at for a few moments, but truly seen, fully met, acknowledged, accepted…

Actually this wondering is more than just sometimes…it is most of the time…and it has been this way for as long as I can remember…and when I go about my daily life sensing that I’ve not been fully seen for too long a period, despite the crowds of people all around, I can feel very lonely, isolated, deeply sad…perhaps, I think to my-self, I may as well actually be completely alone…then I can at least tell my-self there is a “real” reason to feel how I do…alone, isolated, sad…

Where does this come from?

I question whether it is just me who feels so painfully alone at times. I’m quite quiet and I suppose I can be happy enough on my own, but I very much value the presence of others in my life. I know there is nothing objective about my subjective experience but nevertheless I have learnt to trust my subjective experience and know that however I feel is completely valid and acceptable. Sometimes I can express my lonesomeness and how important it is for me to be fully seen. And often when I do I discover that I am not so alone in my lonesomeness – what I struggle with others often seem to struggle with too.

Demanding to be seen

And so, when there is just enough space, and I feel confident too, I speak…I have to, to have my voice heard, to be truly seen and I’ll do so with vigour. I will call for acknowledgement, acceptance…. And when there seems like no space for my voice and my suffering is deep enough I know that it is within me to create the space, and I’ll do it with fierceness if necessary…as I know that when I speak I may be speaking for others too.

For I am not alone…

Our gifts

Just as you do, I have a unique a special gift to give to the world. When I first came into the world I sense that I knew this at the very deepest level. I was a gift to my family – a little being full of presence, innocence, and joy, and when I felt distressed I could show that distress without fear. Back then it was very easy for people to see me – I was a small not yet fully developed physical being…

So then grew an ability to rationalise and I attempted to make some sense of the world around me. What wonder I felt at it all but not everything made complete sense to me and as I developed the capacity to bring some voice to the seeming non-sense all that I expressed wasn’t always easy for others to hear. I also learnt that it might even sometimes be dangerous for me to reveal what was happening inside of me, my confusion, my sadness. And so I hid…I hide…when it is not safe…

But over the years I’ve come back into connection with my gift. I’m not always sure what my gift is – it might seem different from one day to the next – but I know I have one, many actually…sometimes I’m more in touch with my gift of being present with others and deep listening, other times it is my ability to share a deeply authentic voice, and when there is music it is likely I will present the gift of dance…I have my unique gifts, you will have yours…and for me it is always beautiful to fully see the gifts, see them given, and have them fully received.

Spaces that help the expression of gifts

Space in community

I have re-connected more consciously with my gift(s) by being in spaces where I feel safe and empowered because there is capacity for others to hear me. Yet this re-connection with the gift has taken a long time and required much deep introspection. I bless thee who have heard my voice and seen my gifts. To do so when so much else is going on inside and out is not easy.

Sometimes the spaces have arisen by chance in my life. Certain people appeared; they held me. There has been what some might call luck – a huge dose of it. However, other times I have seen spaces that have been intentionally created and – deliberately, carefully, necessarily – I have moved toward such spaces. By being in such spaces I am abler to be exactly who I need to be from each moment to the next…just as I was when I was that small being…I have learnt, I have grown.

And now as I grow more and more in confidence and learn to fully trust my senses I have begun to more easily see when I might not be being fully heard. And I am learning to step to help create spaces where I am heard in the deep way that I need to come into contact with my gifts…and I do this not just so I can be heard but so others can too…for your struggle is my struggle…

Nature, perhaps the most accepting of spaces…

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