This year I had precisely 157 cups of coffee…

I’m mindful about how much coffee I drink, carefully tracking the days that I drink a cup and the days that I don’t. Because, as much as I love a good coffee, the joy I get from a cup or two can easily be followed by anxiety. There is plenty of evidence to back up what I feel, but I’ve long wondered whether overall the pleasure I get from a cup is really worth the uncomfortable feelings that can arise not too long after.

Those who follow my work on happiness will know that I record how I am feeling, asking myself on a scale of 0 to 10 how happy, purposeful, and anxious I have felt each day. I’ve been doing this ever since I quit my career researching happiness and began cycling to Bhutan. Recording my happiness has been crucial to helping me understand more about the things that make me happy day-to-day and doing more (or less) of them.

Listening to the numbers

On the days I have a coffee, I am on average happier. By about 0.2 units of happiness on a 0 to 10 scale. That’s not very much. But it helps confirm how I typically feel in the hour or two after I have a coffee and illustrates that coffee can have a meaningful impact on my days.

But it’s not that simple. The issue I have when something feels good is I can easily get to thinking that having just a little more will surely make me feel even better than I’m presently feeling. This may sound familiar, and for me that kind of thinking has been dangerous.

It is on the days when I have two cups of coffee, where anxiety begins creeping into my day. It’s not very much, but with more cups of coffee, it gets worse, with a three cup day having me on average 0.7 units of anxiety higher than on a day drinking no coffee. I also feel less happy (by 0.3 units) and less purposeful (by 0.7 units) on three cup days too. This is stark. But it’s also not that surprising. Nevertheless, it is useful for my future coffee drinking decisions to see what’s happening in the data.

What has surprised me, however, as I’ve looked more closely at my happiness scores, is how my daily happiness differs when I drink coffee two days back-to-back. Then, there are no boosts to my happiness from drinking coffee on the second day at all, and with more and more cups of coffee things get progressively worse.

What I’ve also discovered from my happiness scores is that on the days that I drink three or more cups of coffee, my happiness is lower for several days after. It seems that for me a little less coffee might on balance be better.

Of course, there are other ways to explain these numbers other than coffee causing anxiety. It could be that when I am experiencing difficulty in my life, I reach for coffee. There is certainly truth in this explanation, and through this explanation I recognise the potential for a painful consumption cycle.

Familiar patterns resurfacing

I’m all too familiar with overconsumption – when it comes to alcohol, possessions, and people, for example. I’d always want just a little bit more, being driven by the memory of previous highs, as well as not wanting to look at something uncomfortable. But with a little more, rather than feel better, I’d feel worse – the hoped for high not realised, the underlying discomfort slightly rawer, and some part of me still thinking that more might sort me out. I know I’m not alone in this either. I’ve met many humans who much like me consume to the detriment of themselves and others, and some of them fully aware of the consequences of what they’re doing, yet unable to break painful cycles.

On some days I’ve refused to give myself a coffee – no matter how much I desire one. And I know that it is on these days that the greatest vigilance is necessary. Sometimes I will have a sense that there is something missing in me, and that _____ will fill it up and make me feel whole again. I know it won’t.

On those 3 cup days, my reasons for drinking that extra cup aren’t life enhancing. I will try to convince myself that they are, but there isn’t space internally or externally to enjoy the mind liveliness and the creativity that can come when I have a coffee. Instead, the anxiety has come in thick and fast, and it is clear to me that I hadn’t recognised before I took the first cup that something felt a little off-key within me. All I can do at this point is stay as present as possible with whatever has been stirred up and try to resist the temptation to escape the moment with yet another cup (or maybe something stronger still).

Shifting patterns for greater overall happiness

As frustrating as it can be when it contravenes our beliefs, it is important to listen to the numbers and figure out different ways of being. And it seems that despite my vigilance to prevent old unhealthy patterns of consumption resurfacing afresh I’m still drinking a little too much coffee. I’d like more happiness out of the stuff and perhaps the first decree, which applies to many things that can make us feel good, is not to rely on coffee for happiness.

The most sublimely experienced coffees – the ones where I feel joyfully radiant and divinely inspired – have always been when I come to a cup already happy and unattached. This means preserving that unattached and spacious feeling. By the looks of my data, to preserve my happiness I’ll need a ‘two rules of two’ type strategy – never having more than two cups of coffee a day, nor drinking it two days in a row.

But that might just have to be a minimum guide because there is a strong risk for escalation. One thing I’ve learnt intuitively is that every now and then, when I notice myself a little too keen to have a second coffee, then it’s time for a break – a week, or even a month. If not to observe any underlying disturbances that I may be avoiding, then at least to reset my tolerance and ensure that just one cup will be enough to bring forth a bliss that I no longer crave.

And so, before I drink a cup, I’ll take a moment to tune into myself and what’s happening around me. I’ll start with being present and check in on why I am where I am and doing what I’m doing. Because it will always be in the present moment where we will find our happiness. We’ll find our pains there too. And we can’t let our consumption of anything blot those out, tempting as it may be. There must be balance. And it is for each one of us to mindfully find our own.

*** Thank you for reading my article. If you liked reading this blog post, then feel free to say so. But also, if you’d like to read more on addiction or how I’ve used my personal happiness scores to understand more about happiness then click on the links.

If you’d like to go even deeper into happiness, then why not order my book – A Journey For Happiness: The Man Who Cycled to Bhutan.