Well, let’s just say I didn’t bounce out of my sleeping bag and wake up 10 out of 10 happy this morning. It was more like a 7, and then it took a nose dive. I feel weary. How things can change – and that’s the journey – we embrace it and we accept it.

The early rise, the rain, and everything else

I woke up at 3.30am and I knew I wouldn’t go back to sleep. I was tucked behind a wall, being the best spot I could find late last night, and I thought I may as well get up and on my way before anyone was about.

I was packed up and away by 4.30, and it started out beautiful – red sky as the sun rose, no-one about, and silence except for the odd sound I made.

The rain came in at about 5.45 – light but persistent. I took cover and I waited, and I waited. The few interactions I had at that hour were lukewarm to say the least. And then I started to go inside myself and connected with how tired and miserable I was feeling.

Joyful but full days

As joyful in the moment as the days have been since last Sunday, there is a fullness to them. I’ve wild camped every night. Which I love, especially when it’s a sweet spot. But it’s also a stress. Even when on a long break to escape the sun (it’s been hot), at the back of my mind I’ll be thinking about where I’ll sleep that night.

Now I’m far from the Pennine Way it’s less easy, less tolerated. That’s the sense I’ve got when I’ve asked about for suggestions. I can have a place in mind on the map that looks good, but it’s never clear until I get there. And I have to fill the days until it gets late and no-one is about to get my tent set. It’s not Scotland. And then up its up early and away and repeat. The days are drawn out. It has been tiring and I’ve got my limits.

Time to return?

I could of course just go ‘home’ to Edinburgh. But it’s certainly not time. There is work to be done and if full days is what it takes then that is what it takes. But I need to give myself a break.

So I had a mid-morning coffee (taking me slightly above safe limits) and booked myself into a campsite, which are generally few and far between here. It has no showers, but at least I don’t have to worry about where I’m sleeping tonight.

My walking boots are off, my tent is up since 3pm, and there is a nurturing energy about the place. Not quite Mummy, and not quite home, but good enough to see me right. We all need our safe spaces and to know we are loved, and that we are going to be OK.

*** I’m journeying from Edinburgh to Croydon in South London on foot. To find out more and keep updated go here.